My Red Ballpen

Bloody like hell
Lovely like roses
Hot like flame
Brave like heroes
Sexy like her
and red like blood.

I Wore it but I'm Wearing This

Once I had this necklace
I wore it everywhere I go
I cared for it like mine
and protected me like his
Brother to his sibling.

It chained me. Controlled me.
Stopped my actions.
I can't breath nor talk.
But I loved it too much.
And I don't want to let go
Even if hypocrisy
and dishonesty's with it.

One day I found the ring from nowhere
I don't know if I found it
or it found me.
I fell in love with the ring
And learn to forget my love to the necklace.

The ring doesn't fit my finger
Too elegant and exquisite
While my finger is coarse and poor
It gave gave me freedom and wisdom
Unlike the necklace in my neck.

Even if it doesn't fit
I wore it all the time
And hoping that someday
it'll fit mine.

I kept the necklace
instead of throwing it
Once it was a part of me
And always a part of me
Kept in memories
and only in memories.

I don't want to remember
Those darkest days
I can't stand it's hypocrisy
Rust hiding through the silver plate
I knew it from the start
but then I denied.
The ring, too elegant for me
True and humble
Natural and make me grow
My brightest days I had
The truth of reality
comforts me.

I found this ring, I don't know
or it found me, I don't know
But all I know
It is destined for me
to make me happy and love again.

A Conversation of the other Me

I want to write something. Something that can contribute to the body of knowledge of humanities. The problem, however, is I don't know what to write about. I just let my hand moves free and write something like this. Yes, I know! It's nonsense. And you don't have to say it again because I am thinking that when I'm writing this.

Now, okay. What's the time? And oh it's uhm. Let me check my clock... It's 22:11. Right, it's 22:11. What's the date? (Does it really matter?) Why not? It matters! Today is Dec 12, 2010. Is it okay now? (Whatever!) Can I start now? (What can I do?) Okay, that's good.

So, where should I start? Uhm.. from childhood? (No, it'll be an autobiography. Boring!) From the moment I discovered that I'm gay? (Come on, wake up! Every one knew it and you told it many times!) Yeah. I know, it's kinda cliché to me and I don't have to shout my sexuality, whatever it is. (Yeah, your parents might hear it! They don't know. Remember?) How about my love life? ( No one's gonna be interested with your love story. You're crazy.) Well yeah, I guess so. Nobody cares if I used to have 15 girlfriends and I take two of them at the same time but now I only have one ( and yeah!) I know, you know. Just shut up! But now I only have one (waaahhh!).... I... oh...only...ha...have...wa... one...boyfriend! Ok? Now I only have one boyfriend.

Since nobody is interested to know about my autobiography and love lofe, how about my acadamic life? Cool! (No. Boring!) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot I'm not really that brilliant. I forgot that I'm a philosopher. It's just that my generation can't appreciate my thoughts because my thoughts are outside the box even if there is no box. Maybe the next generation will commend my thoughts. Well, I can't write this thing. I guess nobody's really interested in knowing about me. (Poor Troy!) Well, I think it's okay to write about my autobiography, love life and acads life since nobody really is reading my blog and no one dares to read it except for one person. (Really? There's someone following your blog? Who is he or she or it? What kind of lower class being is that?) He or she whatever you call him or her or it, It is safer to refer him or her as “it”. (Okay, it. Then who's it?) It's...me. It's me (I knew it, a lower class being!) It's me! I'm the only one reading my blog.

Nonsense, this whole thing is nonsense. I'm gonna tear this part and crumple this paper and burn it! No! My notebook will be destroyed! Then, what shall I do now? This is nonsense! I know I am! (It's better you accepted the reality.) Am I crazy? (Yeah, because you're talking to yourself.) Am I talking to myself too loud? (Talking, yeah.. Too loud? Maybe) I think I'm going crazy! (I think you already are) Don't say that, I'm not crazy! (Yes, you are crazy!)

Okay. Okay. I'm crazy! I'm crazy! Crazy in love! Crazy for for you! Crazy in love with you and I can't think a thing because I'm only thinking of you... Of you M-W-B-L! (You're hopeless)

Oh and since I wasn't able to write anything. I'll end this craziness. What time is it? (You better check it yourself.) Fine. The time is 22:34. Same date? (Obviously) Right, same date. I think I'm gonna sleep or I have to call him first (Who?) Him! (Who him?) M-W-B-L. (Whatever!) Yes, I have to make a call first as I promised. But he promised to send me a message first. So what will I do while waiting? (Krrrrrr... Poor Troy.) I guess I'm gonna write another nonsense thing. I hear the crickets and they're lovely. I don't know what to write and I'm not really thinking so I have to stop. (Thank God, you are enlightened by the Holy Light!) What time is it? (Does it really a big thing for you? Come on!) What's the time? (Well, it's now time to sleep, your mother might get mad at you) Juts tell me what time is it so that I can sleep now. (Okay fine) What time is it? (22:39 happy) Thanks and goodnight.

The Philosophy of Borrowing

Stealing is either good nor bad, depending on the needs of the individual in a specific situation. In Filipino context, stealing can be a form of borrowing something. Borrowing, in the sense that, properties are common goods and thus properties are shared to each other. Stealing is an act of borrowing only without permission.

According to Aristotle, being moral is to be reasonable. It is reason that enables us to discover what is ethical or not and what is best for us. It is why human beings are different from all other creature - the ability to think and be reasonable. Our course of action is largely dependent or defined by our instincts dictated by nature. In addition, nature itself cannot sustain their needs for survival because of the fact that almost everything is destroyed because of war.

According to St. Thomas Aquinas, it is one's obligation to self-preservation that is man has to preserve himself in existence. In addition, Maslow's hierarchy of need, in order to survive, a person must first meet the physiological needs over the other in order to self-preservation. It is reasonable for an individual to steal in order to survive. Survival is, indeed, the basic principle of all creatures.

According to the Asian traditional concept of morality, when it comes to extreme needs of a person, he or she has the right to own the property of others. The end of one’s needs could justify the means of his actions. Though, stealing really is not ethical because you have no right to own other’s property but his intention is doing such thing is for their survival which is natural to human nature. However, there is no other means to meet their physiological needs.

Stealing is not ethical however when one is face by the choice of survival and death, one might choose to steal. In my own opinion, stealing for a noble purpose diminishes the idea that steal stealing is wrong. Food can’t be considered an item of ethical dilemma since it is a primary need of human to preserve one’s self, and every human deserves to meet his/her physiological need, otherwise he might lose himself, worst, his very life. Finally, ethics, in the concept of stealing, applies only if the thing being stolen has massive value, I must say food does not belong to the things that should be the source of ethical dilemma.

It is no longer an issue of ethics if life is at stake rather it is more an issue of practicality and human consideration. If one dies because of hunger maintaining his moral standards, isn’t it ridiculous?

The Other Side of Me (A Fiction)

Hey there, well it's me Brent.

I usually wake up at 8. Take some warm up (well, common for guys like me). Eat my breakfast then take a bath. Have some stick of cigarette while waiting for a jeepney, then go to school.

I am just a normal student in a University who goes to class earlier than the teacher or not, a good student. But sometimes I feel like I'm the dumbest student in that university. I admit that I am not intelligent but at least I'm not stupid, not exactly.

After my classes, I always go to a store in our campus to have some sticks of cigarette, chatting with my classmates or sometimes my brothers in a Fraternity. Only in that time, I found myself laughing, enjoying, found myself a home. Then, they go home and some are to drink in a beer house, and I have to go home. I want to go with them but I'm tired of it.

Here I am at the end of the day - alone. Nobody to talk to and to laugh with - lonely. Talking with myself and listening to music that I can only hear. I think I'm going crazy (hope not). Light a stick of cigarette and I'm okay.

Well, I'm in our house. Turn on the TV then turn it off. Turn on the MP3, then turn it off. Turn on the radio, then turn it off. Turn on the computer, then turn it off. Open a book then close. I go outside the house to light a stick of cigarette so that my parents wouldn't caught me. I enjoyed that stick of cigarette thinking I have company made by the smoke of cigarette.

Then I go back to the place where I call it our house (Yes, it's not my home!), I never felt being there like a home. I eat my dinner then enter my room. Turn on the light then turn it off. Get the ashtray under my bed and light another stick of cigarette. I can see them (who?), my friends. I can see them! Flying like angels. I can see them! I'm happy they're back! I can see them! I can see! I can! I!

Shhhhh! He's sleeping. You might wake him up! If he wakes up, he might get another stick of cigarette. Shhhhh! Someone's calling him on the phone.

Well, hello there, Brent is sleeping! It's me Alex, his twin. You don't know? Maybe, it's because I don't exist. You don't understand? You're confused? Well, well, well!

The Belief of One True God

It is ironic to think that these three religions that begun from one person, Abraham, and believe in one very true God, however they never understand each other. Even within Christianity, Sects are debating against each other of which is the correct and who should be believed but they are only basing their beliefs from the same Holy Book, which is the Bible. It is so stupid that most of the reason why miscommunication exists is because of God and fighting for the same God, and spreading the same word of God.

I was amazed with their traditions both Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. Their history are really relevant and contribute a lot to the common era. All these religions differ from each other, from their rituals to their beliefs, which made them unique from each other. On the other hand, they have a lot of similarity and share a common characteristic, one of these is believing in one very true God.

I discovered that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam came from one person, Abraham, that we are all descendants of Abraham. We are all brothers and sisters in the eyes of God. All these started because of Abraham.

Why should we establish war instead of establishing peace and respect each other's beliefs? Why should we kill our own brothers and sisters? After all, no religion could ever save a person from hell, it is upon the person of how he/she carry himself to please God by his deeds. By respecting every individuals opinion, maybe absolute peace can be achieved.

Who knows?