I'm bitter because my parents are not cool.
I'm bitter because they are overprotective.
I'm bitter because I'm old enough still they treat me like a child.
I'm bitter because they always monitor me.
I'm bitter because I can't move.
I'm bitter because they always follow what they want for me.
I'm bitter because I want to grow.
I'm bitter because I can't reason.
I'm bitter because I can't defend my self.
I'm bitter because they don't listen.
I'm bitter because they don't understand.
I'm bitter because they don't trust me.
I'm bitter because they can't accept me for who I am.
I'm bitter because I'm in pain.
I'm bitter because they are the reason of my pain.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Night and it's Silence
I am walking alone in the road of Basak and it is four in the morning. I am thinking of the problems I had; family, money, sexuality, love life and academics. Along my way, I see a gang of four. No, they're five. I'm scared and nervous. But when they are approaching near me, they are just jogging and they are kids. Thank God, I'm lucky enough that I did not meet some bad men.
Am I sad? No, I'm not. It is just that I have no reason to smile. It's dark and all I can hear is the songs of the crickets. No signs of human movements. I want to fetch a habal-habal but I prefer walking even if I know it's dangerous. I don't know. I think I'm crazy. I enjoyed this feeling of walking alone, being free and I feel that I can do what I want and I am able to do. No restrictions nor commands. I believe, this is my moment – my only moment.
The night and it's silence. And I realize, I appreciate the peacefulness of this night. Everything is beautiful this night, even the noise of the dogs barking to me. They are music that nature has created – beautiful and perfect. Free and alone. I am happy and my heart jumps with joy, without worries even if I know that the journey I'm taking is dangerous but still, I'm anticipating the risks I'm taking.
I'm alone but, I'm happy. I walk alone in the middle of the night. I'm thinking that this is my moment, my precious moment. Alone. Without anyone. Without him. Without her. Without them. But me. Myself and only myself.
As time progresses, the people are beginning to wake up. And I heard a group singing harana to a house. I want to listen because it is beautiful but I continue my walk instead. I don't know, all I can see and all I can hear is beautiful. And the coldness of this night is wonderful. This night is closer to perfection. The stars are looking at me. The crickets are singing with me. The cold morning breeze embraces me. It is joy that I'm feeling right now. I forget that I have problems and all I know is that I'm happy.
It is already five in the morning. I reached Mintal and the sun starts to shine. The night. The darkness and the beauty of darkness ended. My moment – my precious moment. It's through but still I'm happy. I feel joy that I appreciated life and Earth in its beauty.
I am lucky to have this journey because I am able to contemplate things and think of the significance of every single thing. That any thing can make you happy how small or big it is.
Thank God! Thank you for the experience! Thank you for everything! Thank you and I really appreciate it.
Am I sad? No, I'm not. It is just that I have no reason to smile. It's dark and all I can hear is the songs of the crickets. No signs of human movements. I want to fetch a habal-habal but I prefer walking even if I know it's dangerous. I don't know. I think I'm crazy. I enjoyed this feeling of walking alone, being free and I feel that I can do what I want and I am able to do. No restrictions nor commands. I believe, this is my moment – my only moment.
The night and it's silence. And I realize, I appreciate the peacefulness of this night. Everything is beautiful this night, even the noise of the dogs barking to me. They are music that nature has created – beautiful and perfect. Free and alone. I am happy and my heart jumps with joy, without worries even if I know that the journey I'm taking is dangerous but still, I'm anticipating the risks I'm taking.
I'm alone but, I'm happy. I walk alone in the middle of the night. I'm thinking that this is my moment, my precious moment. Alone. Without anyone. Without him. Without her. Without them. But me. Myself and only myself.
As time progresses, the people are beginning to wake up. And I heard a group singing harana to a house. I want to listen because it is beautiful but I continue my walk instead. I don't know, all I can see and all I can hear is beautiful. And the coldness of this night is wonderful. This night is closer to perfection. The stars are looking at me. The crickets are singing with me. The cold morning breeze embraces me. It is joy that I'm feeling right now. I forget that I have problems and all I know is that I'm happy.
It is already five in the morning. I reached Mintal and the sun starts to shine. The night. The darkness and the beauty of darkness ended. My moment – my precious moment. It's through but still I'm happy. I feel joy that I appreciated life and Earth in its beauty.
I am lucky to have this journey because I am able to contemplate things and think of the significance of every single thing. That any thing can make you happy how small or big it is.
Thank God! Thank you for the experience! Thank you for everything! Thank you and I really appreciate it.
Thesis in the Making
I write. I type. I delete. And retype.
I read. I type. I copy. And paste.
I type. I delete. I retype. And save.
I close. I open. And type. And delete.
I retype. And read. And save. And close.
I open. And click. And fight. And win.
I close. Then open. Then type. And confirm.
Check. Then reply. Then comment. And search.
Comment. And read. Then comment. And search.
Comment. Then search. Then stalk. And forget.
Think. And never mind. And think again. Ignore.
Stalk. Then stalk. And oh. And stalk.
Think. And don't mind. I Lie. And sleep.
I read. I type. I copy. And paste.
I type. I delete. I retype. And save.
I close. I open. And type. And delete.
I retype. And read. And save. And close.
I open. And click. And fight. And win.
I close. Then open. Then type. And confirm.
Check. Then reply. Then comment. And search.
Comment. And read. Then comment. And search.
Comment. Then search. Then stalk. And forget.
Think. And never mind. And think again. Ignore.
Stalk. Then stalk. And oh. And stalk.
Think. And don't mind. I Lie. And sleep.
The Camera
I smiled,
every time it faces me.
I fake smile,
when I'm sad.
I pout,
when I want it.
I make faces,
when I'm bored.
I show my teeth,
when I'm too happy
I smile,
when I click it.
I laugh,
when I see them.
And I smile,
when I click that button.
Click and flash!
every time it faces me.
I fake smile,
when I'm sad.
I pout,
when I want it.
I make faces,
when I'm bored.
I show my teeth,
when I'm too happy
I smile,
when I click it.
I laugh,
when I see them.
And I smile,
when I click that button.
Click and flash!
My Red Ballpen
Bloody like hell
Lovely like roses
Hot like flame
Brave like heroes
Sexy like her
and red like blood.
Lovely like roses
Hot like flame
Brave like heroes
Sexy like her
and red like blood.
I Wore it but I'm Wearing This
Once I had this necklace
I wore it everywhere I go
I cared for it like mine
and protected me like his
Brother to his sibling.
It chained me. Controlled me.
Stopped my actions.
I can't breath nor talk.
But I loved it too much.
And I don't want to let go
Even if hypocrisy
and dishonesty's with it.
One day I found the ring from nowhere
I don't know if I found it
or it found me.
I fell in love with the ring
And learn to forget my love to the necklace.
The ring doesn't fit my finger
Too elegant and exquisite
While my finger is coarse and poor
It gave gave me freedom and wisdom
Unlike the necklace in my neck.
Even if it doesn't fit
I wore it all the time
And hoping that someday
it'll fit mine.
I kept the necklace
instead of throwing it
Once it was a part of me
And always a part of me
Kept in memories
and only in memories.
I don't want to remember
Those darkest days
I can't stand it's hypocrisy
Rust hiding through the silver plate
I knew it from the start
but then I denied.
The ring, too elegant for me
True and humble
Natural and make me grow
My brightest days I had
The truth of reality
comforts me.
I found this ring, I don't know
or it found me, I don't know
But all I know
It is destined for me
to make me happy and love again.
I wore it everywhere I go
I cared for it like mine
and protected me like his
Brother to his sibling.
It chained me. Controlled me.
Stopped my actions.
I can't breath nor talk.
But I loved it too much.
And I don't want to let go
Even if hypocrisy
and dishonesty's with it.
One day I found the ring from nowhere
I don't know if I found it
or it found me.
I fell in love with the ring
And learn to forget my love to the necklace.
The ring doesn't fit my finger
Too elegant and exquisite
While my finger is coarse and poor
It gave gave me freedom and wisdom
Unlike the necklace in my neck.
Even if it doesn't fit
I wore it all the time
And hoping that someday
it'll fit mine.
I kept the necklace
instead of throwing it
Once it was a part of me
And always a part of me
Kept in memories
and only in memories.
I don't want to remember
Those darkest days
I can't stand it's hypocrisy
Rust hiding through the silver plate
I knew it from the start
but then I denied.
The ring, too elegant for me
True and humble
Natural and make me grow
My brightest days I had
The truth of reality
comforts me.
I found this ring, I don't know
or it found me, I don't know
But all I know
It is destined for me
to make me happy and love again.
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