I"m Bitter because...

I'm bitter because my parents are not cool.
I'm bitter because they are overprotective.
I'm bitter because I'm old enough still they treat me like a child.
I'm bitter because they always monitor me.
I'm bitter because I can't move.
I'm bitter because they always follow what they want for me.
I'm bitter because I want to grow.
I'm bitter because I can't reason.
I'm bitter because I can't defend my self.
I'm bitter because they don't listen.
I'm bitter because they don't understand.
I'm bitter because they don't trust me.
I'm bitter because they can't accept me for who I am.
I'm bitter because I'm in pain.
I'm bitter because they are the reason of my pain.

The Night and it's Silence

I am walking alone in the road of Basak and it is four in the morning. I am thinking of the problems I had; family, money, sexuality, love life and academics. Along my way, I see a gang of four. No, they're five. I'm scared and nervous. But when they are approaching near me, they are just jogging and they are kids. Thank God, I'm lucky enough that I did not meet some bad men.

Am I sad? No, I'm not. It is just that I have no reason to smile. It's dark and all I can hear is the songs of the crickets. No signs of human movements. I want to fetch a habal-habal but I prefer walking even if I know it's dangerous. I don't know. I think I'm crazy. I enjoyed this feeling of walking alone, being free and I feel that I can do what I want and I am able to do. No restrictions nor commands. I believe, this is my moment – my only moment.

The night and it's silence. And I realize, I appreciate the peacefulness of this night. Everything is beautiful this night, even the noise of the dogs barking to me. They are music that nature has created – beautiful and perfect. Free and alone. I am happy and my heart jumps with joy, without worries even if I know that the journey I'm taking is dangerous but still, I'm anticipating the risks I'm taking.

I'm alone but, I'm happy. I walk alone in the middle of the night. I'm thinking that this is my moment, my precious moment. Alone. Without anyone. Without him. Without her. Without them. But me. Myself and only myself.

As time progresses, the people are beginning to wake up. And I heard a group singing harana to a house. I want to listen because it is beautiful but I continue my walk instead. I don't know, all I can see and all I can hear is beautiful. And the coldness of this night is wonderful. This night is closer to perfection. The stars are looking at me. The crickets are singing with me. The cold morning breeze embraces me. It is joy that I'm feeling right now. I forget that I have problems and all I know is that I'm happy.

It is already five in the morning. I reached Mintal and the sun starts to shine. The night. The darkness and the beauty of darkness ended. My moment – my precious moment. It's through but still I'm happy. I feel joy that I appreciated life and Earth in its beauty.

I am lucky to have this journey because I am able to contemplate things and think of the significance of every single thing. That any thing can make you happy how small or big it is.

Thank God! Thank you for the experience! Thank you for everything! Thank you and I really appreciate it.

Thesis in the Making

I write. I type. I delete. And retype.
I read. I type. I copy. And paste.
I type. I delete. I retype. And save.
I close. I open. And type. And delete.
I retype. And read. And save. And close.
I open. And click. And fight. And win.
I close. Then open. Then type. And confirm.
Check. Then reply. Then comment. And search.
Comment. And read. Then comment. And search.
Comment. Then search. Then stalk. And forget.
Think. And never mind. And think again. Ignore.
Stalk. Then stalk. And oh. And stalk.
Think. And don't mind. I Lie. And sleep.

The Camera

I smiled,
every time it faces me.
I fake smile,
when I'm sad.
I pout,
when I want it.
I make faces,
when I'm bored.
I show my teeth,
when I'm too happy
I smile,
when I click it.
I laugh,
when I see them.
And I smile,
when I click that button.
Click and flash!

My Red Ballpen

Bloody like hell
Lovely like roses
Hot like flame
Brave like heroes
Sexy like her
and red like blood.

I Wore it but I'm Wearing This

Once I had this necklace
I wore it everywhere I go
I cared for it like mine
and protected me like his
Brother to his sibling.

It chained me. Controlled me.
Stopped my actions.
I can't breath nor talk.
But I loved it too much.
And I don't want to let go
Even if hypocrisy
and dishonesty's with it.

One day I found the ring from nowhere
I don't know if I found it
or it found me.
I fell in love with the ring
And learn to forget my love to the necklace.

The ring doesn't fit my finger
Too elegant and exquisite
While my finger is coarse and poor
It gave gave me freedom and wisdom
Unlike the necklace in my neck.

Even if it doesn't fit
I wore it all the time
And hoping that someday
it'll fit mine.

I kept the necklace
instead of throwing it
Once it was a part of me
And always a part of me
Kept in memories
and only in memories.

I don't want to remember
Those darkest days
I can't stand it's hypocrisy
Rust hiding through the silver plate
I knew it from the start
but then I denied.
The ring, too elegant for me
True and humble
Natural and make me grow
My brightest days I had
The truth of reality
comforts me.

I found this ring, I don't know
or it found me, I don't know
But all I know
It is destined for me
to make me happy and love again.

A Conversation of the other Me

I want to write something. Something that can contribute to the body of knowledge of humanities. The problem, however, is I don't know what to write about. I just let my hand moves free and write something like this. Yes, I know! It's nonsense. And you don't have to say it again because I am thinking that when I'm writing this.

Now, okay. What's the time? And oh it's uhm. Let me check my clock... It's 22:11. Right, it's 22:11. What's the date? (Does it really matter?) Why not? It matters! Today is Dec 12, 2010. Is it okay now? (Whatever!) Can I start now? (What can I do?) Okay, that's good.

So, where should I start? Uhm.. from childhood? (No, it'll be an autobiography. Boring!) From the moment I discovered that I'm gay? (Come on, wake up! Every one knew it and you told it many times!) Yeah. I know, it's kinda cliché to me and I don't have to shout my sexuality, whatever it is. (Yeah, your parents might hear it! They don't know. Remember?) How about my love life? ( No one's gonna be interested with your love story. You're crazy.) Well yeah, I guess so. Nobody cares if I used to have 15 girlfriends and I take two of them at the same time but now I only have one ( and yeah!) I know, you know. Just shut up! But now I only have one (waaahhh!).... I... oh...only...ha...have...wa... one...boyfriend! Ok? Now I only have one boyfriend.

Since nobody is interested to know about my autobiography and love lofe, how about my acadamic life? Cool! (No. Boring!) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot I'm not really that brilliant. I forgot that I'm a philosopher. It's just that my generation can't appreciate my thoughts because my thoughts are outside the box even if there is no box. Maybe the next generation will commend my thoughts. Well, I can't write this thing. I guess nobody's really interested in knowing about me. (Poor Troy!) Well, I think it's okay to write about my autobiography, love life and acads life since nobody really is reading my blog and no one dares to read it except for one person. (Really? There's someone following your blog? Who is he or she or it? What kind of lower class being is that?) He or she whatever you call him or her or it, It is safer to refer him or her as “it”. (Okay, it. Then who's it?) It's...me. It's me (I knew it, a lower class being!) It's me! I'm the only one reading my blog.

Nonsense, this whole thing is nonsense. I'm gonna tear this part and crumple this paper and burn it! No! My notebook will be destroyed! Then, what shall I do now? This is nonsense! I know I am! (It's better you accepted the reality.) Am I crazy? (Yeah, because you're talking to yourself.) Am I talking to myself too loud? (Talking, yeah.. Too loud? Maybe) I think I'm going crazy! (I think you already are) Don't say that, I'm not crazy! (Yes, you are crazy!)

Okay. Okay. I'm crazy! I'm crazy! Crazy in love! Crazy for for you! Crazy in love with you and I can't think a thing because I'm only thinking of you... Of you M-W-B-L! (You're hopeless)

Oh and since I wasn't able to write anything. I'll end this craziness. What time is it? (You better check it yourself.) Fine. The time is 22:34. Same date? (Obviously) Right, same date. I think I'm gonna sleep or I have to call him first (Who?) Him! (Who him?) M-W-B-L. (Whatever!) Yes, I have to make a call first as I promised. But he promised to send me a message first. So what will I do while waiting? (Krrrrrr... Poor Troy.) I guess I'm gonna write another nonsense thing. I hear the crickets and they're lovely. I don't know what to write and I'm not really thinking so I have to stop. (Thank God, you are enlightened by the Holy Light!) What time is it? (Does it really a big thing for you? Come on!) What's the time? (Well, it's now time to sleep, your mother might get mad at you) Juts tell me what time is it so that I can sleep now. (Okay fine) What time is it? (22:39 happy) Thanks and goodnight.

The Philosophy of Borrowing

Stealing is either good nor bad, depending on the needs of the individual in a specific situation. In Filipino context, stealing can be a form of borrowing something. Borrowing, in the sense that, properties are common goods and thus properties are shared to each other. Stealing is an act of borrowing only without permission.

According to Aristotle, being moral is to be reasonable. It is reason that enables us to discover what is ethical or not and what is best for us. It is why human beings are different from all other creature - the ability to think and be reasonable. Our course of action is largely dependent or defined by our instincts dictated by nature. In addition, nature itself cannot sustain their needs for survival because of the fact that almost everything is destroyed because of war.

According to St. Thomas Aquinas, it is one's obligation to self-preservation that is man has to preserve himself in existence. In addition, Maslow's hierarchy of need, in order to survive, a person must first meet the physiological needs over the other in order to self-preservation. It is reasonable for an individual to steal in order to survive. Survival is, indeed, the basic principle of all creatures.

According to the Asian traditional concept of morality, when it comes to extreme needs of a person, he or she has the right to own the property of others. The end of one’s needs could justify the means of his actions. Though, stealing really is not ethical because you have no right to own other’s property but his intention is doing such thing is for their survival which is natural to human nature. However, there is no other means to meet their physiological needs.

Stealing is not ethical however when one is face by the choice of survival and death, one might choose to steal. In my own opinion, stealing for a noble purpose diminishes the idea that steal stealing is wrong. Food can’t be considered an item of ethical dilemma since it is a primary need of human to preserve one’s self, and every human deserves to meet his/her physiological need, otherwise he might lose himself, worst, his very life. Finally, ethics, in the concept of stealing, applies only if the thing being stolen has massive value, I must say food does not belong to the things that should be the source of ethical dilemma.

It is no longer an issue of ethics if life is at stake rather it is more an issue of practicality and human consideration. If one dies because of hunger maintaining his moral standards, isn’t it ridiculous?

The Other Side of Me (A Fiction)

Hey there, well it's me Brent.

I usually wake up at 8. Take some warm up (well, common for guys like me). Eat my breakfast then take a bath. Have some stick of cigarette while waiting for a jeepney, then go to school.

I am just a normal student in a University who goes to class earlier than the teacher or not, a good student. But sometimes I feel like I'm the dumbest student in that university. I admit that I am not intelligent but at least I'm not stupid, not exactly.

After my classes, I always go to a store in our campus to have some sticks of cigarette, chatting with my classmates or sometimes my brothers in a Fraternity. Only in that time, I found myself laughing, enjoying, found myself a home. Then, they go home and some are to drink in a beer house, and I have to go home. I want to go with them but I'm tired of it.

Here I am at the end of the day - alone. Nobody to talk to and to laugh with - lonely. Talking with myself and listening to music that I can only hear. I think I'm going crazy (hope not). Light a stick of cigarette and I'm okay.

Well, I'm in our house. Turn on the TV then turn it off. Turn on the MP3, then turn it off. Turn on the radio, then turn it off. Turn on the computer, then turn it off. Open a book then close. I go outside the house to light a stick of cigarette so that my parents wouldn't caught me. I enjoyed that stick of cigarette thinking I have company made by the smoke of cigarette.

Then I go back to the place where I call it our house (Yes, it's not my home!), I never felt being there like a home. I eat my dinner then enter my room. Turn on the light then turn it off. Get the ashtray under my bed and light another stick of cigarette. I can see them (who?), my friends. I can see them! Flying like angels. I can see them! I'm happy they're back! I can see them! I can see! I can! I!

Shhhhh! He's sleeping. You might wake him up! If he wakes up, he might get another stick of cigarette. Shhhhh! Someone's calling him on the phone.

Well, hello there, Brent is sleeping! It's me Alex, his twin. You don't know? Maybe, it's because I don't exist. You don't understand? You're confused? Well, well, well!

The Belief of One True God

It is ironic to think that these three religions that begun from one person, Abraham, and believe in one very true God, however they never understand each other. Even within Christianity, Sects are debating against each other of which is the correct and who should be believed but they are only basing their beliefs from the same Holy Book, which is the Bible. It is so stupid that most of the reason why miscommunication exists is because of God and fighting for the same God, and spreading the same word of God.

I was amazed with their traditions both Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. Their history are really relevant and contribute a lot to the common era. All these religions differ from each other, from their rituals to their beliefs, which made them unique from each other. On the other hand, they have a lot of similarity and share a common characteristic, one of these is believing in one very true God.

I discovered that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam came from one person, Abraham, that we are all descendants of Abraham. We are all brothers and sisters in the eyes of God. All these started because of Abraham.

Why should we establish war instead of establishing peace and respect each other's beliefs? Why should we kill our own brothers and sisters? After all, no religion could ever save a person from hell, it is upon the person of how he/she carry himself to please God by his deeds. By respecting every individuals opinion, maybe absolute peace can be achieved.

Who knows?

Durian

Ang tunok mong miduslak sa akong kamot;
ang katam-is mong nagpa-init sa akong kalawasan
ang kahumot mong nisuksok sa akong baga;
ayay! kalami!

The End of the Nature of Man

Is this what Aristotle mean the end of man? When a man found his total happiness. The feeling of being completed and self-sufficient. You feel completed and you could not wish of anything else because you are satisfied of what you have and is more than enough. Man could be happy not because of material things but the feeling.

Based on my experiences, man could attain total happiness if he felt being belonged to someone, or is loved by someone. Man only wants to be secured and to be happy.

I loved and I am happy. I don't care of the imperfections but I believe I'm happy. In this world nobody is perfect, but being perfect is perceived through the heart of man. I prefer to live here in the world of imperfection rather than in the world of forms and perfection without the one who made me completed. I wished of nothing else because I am satisfied of what I have, the person I love.

Do you know the feeling of being in love?

Taboo

They said our love was wrong, but I continue loving you. I know our love is forbidden like that of Romeo and Juliet, and Bella and Edward, but I still loved you. I don't care what others will say, because I badly fell in love with you. And now, I can't determine our love if it is right or wrong, for people perceive it wrong and I believe it is right. All I know is that, I loved and I will continue loving you.

If loving you was wrong, I will never make it right. I'd rather remain sinful and having you, than being a saint without you and let you go. Losing you will be the greatest mistake that I could make. If this is just a dream, I don't want this dream to end and woke, I'd rather sleep forever and live in my dreams.

Because of you I learned to be contented of what I have, for you alone is too much for me. You made me someone, I thought I could never be. You showed me that I am important and have the right to be loved. I wished of nothing else but you, only you, to live forever with you.

Our love is forbidden to humans but is accepted for people who loved.

Red and Sweet

"We had our apples, red and sweet,
know that they were forbidden to eat
You gave me yours, and I gave you mine
And I felt something in my heart."

There came a time, we shared our apples, you gave me yours and, in return, I gave you mine. The apple you gave me is so sweet and I know my apple is sweet, too. We think of the consequences what will happen to us if we ate it, whether we will fall asleep like Snow White or will be punished by God for eating the forbidden fruit. After all, I ignore them for I want to eat the apple because of my curiosity and innocence. I never made a mistake for it is so sweet and it tastes like no other. It is the sweetest apple I had ever eaten for my entire life and I never tasted an apple like that before.

I gave you my apple completely, for you are so special to me. I threw those apples that others had given me, for I want to eat  the apple you gave. I don't want anything else, but you and your apple, so red, so sweet.

I promise that I will keep your apple, take good care of it and watch it grow. If someone would try to get it away from me, I will stand up and fight for it, for it is mine. I will only surrender if you will get it back from me.

My greatest fear is that when you will get the apples back and throw the apple I gave away. It would be the end of my colorful days and the birth of my dark days. I can't help it but cry and wait for another man who is willing to share an apple, like yours, so red, so sweet.

Every time I see apples anywhere, it will always remind me of you.

Hopeless

by
Altroy Requizo

Character:
A female prostitute

Scene:
In a street, where prostitutes take their own places and wait for customers to pick them up, and pay them money in return of their service. There is a waiting shed along the street where there stood a woman, it is dark and the only source of light is coming from the sodium lights. The atmosphere is cold, a perfect time for relaxing.


A woman, a female prostitute at her early thirties, standing under the waiting shed. She wears a red sleeveless shirt with a mini-skirt and a high heel shoes. She is chewing a chewing gum and lit a stick of cigarette then she takes a glimpse at her watch. She looks around her, like looking for someone and waiting for him. She drops her cigarette on the ground and crushes it with her foot.

A man passes and seems like looking for a perfect partner for that night. She looks at the woman from head down to her foot. The woman noticed that the man is staring at her, so she sits down on the bench, and cross her legs slowly, protruded her breasts, then pouts her lips and blink the right eye to the man. The man ignored what she is doing and just pass her by.

She lit another stick of cigarette and stand up again, and gets her bag and put it on her shoulder. The man pass again with a companion, a male prostitue, he holds his hand and went to the dark corner of that street. She dropped her cigarette on the ground, her faced is puzzled and she was shocked of what she saw. That time, she is so desperate to find a customer, her first customer on that night, at least one. She felt dismayed and jealoused to the male prostitute. She glance at her wrist watch again, and it is already late. She gets her cigarette box and lit a stick but the box is empty. She throws the box away from her.

She looks around her and realized that she is the only one who was left in the street. All are gone, all of the prostitute are picked up, and may be doing their service at this moment of time. She decided to go back home, but when she looks at her wallet, there is only one peso left in her wallet. She is so hungry, and she puts her hands on her stomach.

She takes her way home. She walks in the street, hopeless, hungry and helpless. She gets her mirror from her bag, and stares at her face, crying, and throws the mirror away. She walks and walks and stares blankly from a distant. She passed a bridge, look at the peacefulness of the river and felt the cold wind. She climbs over the bridge, opens her arms wide and jumps to the river.
-The End-

Pokemon Obsession

I have no idea of what's the purpose of that card down there. I just put it. well, I am happy to include pokemon on my page.

Yeah, you're right, i'm a big fan of pokemon. At first, I was the only one who is obsessed with poke'mons but I was wrong. There are lots of others there who is more obsessed with pokemons.

My pokemon obsession begins when I was in the third grade in elementary(about 10 years ago). I remeber that I was crying if I miss an episode in the television.Until now, I am still obsessed with it, I think, I have tried almost all pokemon online games but I am not the top ranked trainer. First, I played pokemon crater, then pokemon volcano, indigo, lake and black, and so on.

pokemon

Article Review: A Long Walk to Freedom

This article really is an eye opener to the world. It stated the issues in Asia. This article is available at http://www.time.com/time/asia/covers/501060501/story.html.

The article written by Bill Powell of the TIME magazine is all about the issue between the North Korean citizens which came to China illegally and the Chinese government. It's primary purpose is to write about the forced migration of the Korean citizens back to their own native land with certain imprisonment terms. The article expressed it's thoughts about the issue, and the events like the taking part of the Bush Administration in the United States against the Korean government, the support given by the Christian groups to help Korean refugees out of China, which was lead by Reverend Tim Peters. The article also mentioned about the tragic experiences of a Korean refugee and her life to China and how they were brutally treated in prison by the Chinese government.
As I read the article, I was moved by the story of the woman who was forced to abort her child and brutally treated inside the prison; they were not given enough food to eat, they were treated worse than an animal in their cage. The article was written in an honorable manner, without bias in both parties. He vulgarly write the controversies that happened both in China and North Korea. The thoughts were well expressed and the contents were fair and just, and is really relevant for the world view today. The messages were clearly stated.
China wanted to migrate North Korean illegal aliens out from their country. Somehow, I could not blame China if they want to repatriate those Koreans who were in China illegally. They were just trying to protect their countries from intruders, for instances, and maintain the stability of their beloved country. It is, somehow, the fault of the Korean who entered China knowing that they don't have legal documents. I assumed that they must knew it before they take moves in entering China.
The alien people is not the only one to be blamed but also the North Korean government for they are the responsible for his people yet it remained quiet and seemed like it doesn't care for his people. It is stated by Bill Powell in the article according to Rev. Peters “...Shamed, be means, by it's instinction, and by its lack of attention.” I assumed that the Korean government really did nothing because, a person can not say bad about the government unless he observed it. As I read this phrase I was shocked and I felt anger to the government as Peters described it. In addition to this there was an article written also by Bill Powell about the governance in North Korea. One question that was formulated in my mind, what is the role of the government if not for his people? The government should protect and help his citizens who are in need not just for their own intentions. It is one of the reasons why Korean chooses to live in China rather than in North Korea because of it's governance, which is also like a prison.
It is not wrong nor a mistake to push those illegal aliens away from your territory but not in a brutal way. China treated the prisoners worse than an animal in a cage. There is a scarcity of food and the prisoners only eat the remains of the apples eaten by the guards was really not humane. Though, they say that it is a way of disciplining those who violates the law but it is really exaggerated and they don't have the right to treat these people like an animal. They don't even have the privilege to abort the unborn child from Kim Myong Suk. Instead of doing these stupid things, why don't they return them directly to their native lands?
Geography had affected these issues, in the first place North Korea lies northeast of China were most prison and events takes place. It is really obvious that China is overpowering North Korea and they are abusing it. We all know that China has a bigger territory and boundaries than that of North Korea and it is economically richer that Korea.
The lack of attention by the Bush administration triggers this issue, because in this time, North Korea and Bush had a misunderstanding. In the article President Bush said that he hate the President Kim Jong Il. Another related article stated that Korea rejects new talks with the United States and described the President George W. Bush as “imbecile” and “tyrant” who was worse than Adolf Hitler(Spacewar, 2004). I suggest that the United Nations must took place and solve this problem between China and Korean refugees.
The Christian contribute a lot in the escapo of the Korean refugees, because they were the one who helped and exerted more effort to free the citizens than the North Korea Government, itself. They helped the aliens out of China by constructing underground railroads and making routes through Laos for safety. They made strategies and plans to bring back the Korean citizens safe.
These Korean citizens experienced a traumatic event from the hands of China. I can relate this story between Malaysia and Philippines, years ago, when Malaysia deport the Filipino domestic helpers from Sabbah back to the Philippines but I think, it is not as brutal with North Korean refugees. The worse thing is, even those who have legal documents were included in the issues, where in fact, Sabbah should be a territory of the Philippines.
Another which is closer to the issue is the African-American slavery where they also made underground railroads in order to escape from the states in America. “..an African American could better understand the absolute necessity of helping these refugees” for they had experienced almost the same brutality.
This event contributed a lot not only in the history of Asia but also for the views of the people in Asia. It opened the eyes of many Asian that freedom is something everyone wants to have at some point in time.

It Isn't Fare and Just

Last Sunday, September 14,2008, I was so excited to watch and witness who will win and bring home the bacon the Pinoy Dream Academy of ABS-CBN. I bet for Bugoy and Liezel but I was so disappointed that Liezel ranked number four. I was so angry that that big spaced face, not versatile Miguel got the third rank.

I thought it was BUgoy, who will be the Grand Star Dreamer, unluckily, it was Laarni, who is an emotionally disturbed person. And I simply don't like her, though she is a very talented singer, but her attitude is really b*7l$#1t.

In her last performance, I was disappointed that the Grand Star dreamer really don't know how to control her emotion. She cries so loud like a child, like a baby, which is really inappropriate for a star.

Alcohol Bonds

I was drunk for two consecutive nights, one with my friends and the other with my high school classmates.

August 19, 2008
What a night
It was a very cheap night. We made our bonding moments at the back of the school, where I graduated elementary. I was too drunk that night. I was embarrassed for the boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend for they were kissing(not just a kiss but a torrid kiss) at my front. Well, everybody knows that I was the first one to kiss her torridly.

August 20, 2008
The oa night
After my hangover, I was "again" drunk. In this case, we were not in a cheap place instead we were in a sacred place, the place where I live. My high school classmates are so "oa", they just drank two glasses of brandy but they already lost their minds(well it's their fist time to drink). I don't know why they are tipsy, which in fact I was the one who was really drinking that night. I made 3 bottles of beer, and two bottles of brandy but I am not that drunk compared the other night.